Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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