flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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