we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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