Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
