i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
