I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
