Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
