i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
