I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
