I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
