Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
