they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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