You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
