either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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