I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
