i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Everyone says I win the strip club
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
