I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
