My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
