doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
