I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just saw a hot homeless man
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
