we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
