You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
