I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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