I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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