Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i think i have herpe
just one?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
