She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
