Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
