brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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