i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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