Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
