I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
