I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
