Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
