3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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