she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
