Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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