Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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