mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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