Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
