You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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