he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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