I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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