I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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