I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
