The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
