Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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