Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
