Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
