She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
