first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
as a side note pls kill me
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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