god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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