She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
A+ Viking dick
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
