Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
