I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
