Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
