some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
