new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
where does the pee come out of this thing
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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