He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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